Dear Journal,
May 15, 2023, 8:38 PM
Oh, Journal, where do I even start? The whole divorce thing with my parents has been like a non-stop, twisting rollercoaster ride. And not the fun kind.
At first, when mom and dad sat me down to tell me they were getting divorced, I just felt numb. Like, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I mean, they were always my rock, my safe space, you know? They were supposed to be the constants in my life.
But then, reality hit, and it hit hard. Suddenly, I found myself being shuffled back and forth between two houses, two lives. It was all so confusing, and honestly, it still is. It's like I'm caught in the middle of this tug-of-war, and all I want to do is scream "STOP!"
And then, there's the guilt. Oh, the guilt. I keep thinking, "Did I do something wrong? Am I the reason they're splitting up?" It's this gnawing feeling in my chest that just won't go away. And even though they keep telling me it's not my fault, I can't help but feel responsible in some way.
Plus, everything's changed, and I mean EVERYTHING! Dad's always busy with work and hardly ever home, and mom's constantly stressed out. I feel like I don't fit into their lives anymore, like I'm some sort of unwanted puzzle piece.
And you know what's the worst part, Journal? I miss them. I miss us. I miss the way things used to be. I miss our family movie nights, our Sunday morning pancakes, our silly dance-offs in the living room. I miss the sound of their laughter, their comforting voices, their warm hugs.
Divorce sucks, Journal, it really does. It feels like my world has been flipped upside down, and I'm just trying to find my footing. I'm trying to be strong for them, but inside, I'm falling apart.
But I guess, in a way, this is also teaching me to be resilient. To find my own strength. To understand that life isn't always fair, and sometimes, we have to face our worst fears. It's a harsh lesson, but maybe, just maybe, it'll make me a stronger person in the end.
For now, though, I'll just keep pouring my heart out to you, Journal. Because honestly, you're the only one who truly gets me right now.
With a heavy heart,
Macy
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